A Summer of Travel of Feeling Almost Normal

As y'all may already know, we spent 2+ months exploring the cooler regions of America this summer. We left May 16 and returned July 16. A week later, we drove back to Nashville for a family event, and we have been in and out of town since. If you are remotely interested in our itinerary, we drove from the Gulf Coast straight to Vancouver, boarded a cruise ship for 9 days to Alaska, returned to Washington, and drove and camped our way back across America for the next several weeks. Stops included Glacier National Park, Yellowstone National Park, Cody, Wyoming, Deadwood and Rapid City, South Dakota, Minneapolis (complete with a 'slight' detour to Omaha for the College World Series Finals), Wisconsin Dells, Chicago, Dayton, Ohio, Nashville, Tennessee, and then back home. We had many fun and a few not-so-fun adventures along the way, including a broken axle on our way out West, requiring an overnight stay in the parking lot of an abandoned gas station a la Children of the Corn. Photos with a day-by-day commentary are on Instagram (cdpeck).

Due to the FunFunFun of my pseudotumor, I had my third spinal tap the day we left Alabama. I spent the first 48-72 hours of our road trip horizontal in the front seat of the truck, squishing my oldest's legs. The spinal headache wasn't too terrible, so I was able to at least be in my family's presence without making everyone miserable. Medically, I felt better with every latitude line crossed. The further North we drove, the less I felt like I was walking through sludge, and the more energy I had. Daily naps became optional and were only required 1-2 times per week instead of my usual daily requirement. I was able to hike. I was able to ride horses. I was able to ride my bike. I WAS ABLE TO DO CARTWHEELS WITH MY GIRLS. I had not successfully done a cartwheel in 10 years. Too much spinning and dizziness. This was the first medical miracle of our trip. Our God is so very good.

I rarely, if ever, needed my cane. We always had it available, but it remained very lonely under the back seat of Monstro. I loved being outdoors. Aside from the cruise, we camped everywhere we went. Granted, we were camping in our very nice RV, but we were still out in nature with the windows open enjoying the breezes and the crickets at night. It was glorious. Never too hot. Never too cold. I felt like Goldilocks. Everything was juuuuust right.

Overall, I felt better than I have in the last 2-3 years combined. I almost felt normal. I had forgotten what normal was. I was able to be a Mama. I was able to enjoy our trip. I was able to feel human. I really didn't want to come home.

Scrapbooking On the Road - A Guest Post for Julie Fei-Fan Balzer

The following is a post that I was honored to write for the amazingly talented Julie Fei-Fan Balzer at www.balzerdesigns.typepad.com. I just realized that I never hit 'Publish' to share it here with you...

I am a scrapbooker. I am a traveller. I am a photographer. I have an inborn need to explore this beautiful world we live in. I have multiple sclerosis. I have a poor short term memory and an even poorer ability to convert those short term memories to permanent memories. Therefore, I scrapbook. I take pictures. I write. I make art. The closer to the actual event that I can record my experiences, the more raw and authentic my art will be. Because no matter what I do, no matter where I go, no matter what I create, I want my work to represent me – bad, doctor-scribble handwriting, and all.

One of my favorite ways to document my adventures is a result of an Ali Edwards-inspired 'light-bulb moment.' I scrapbook on the road. I take pictures and collect memorabilia and add them together with items I have prepared at home and brought with me on my trip. I want these bits and pieces to be flat – to not take up too much space in my luggage (airline 50 pound weight limits + scrapbook supplies can be challenging if you actually need to bring clothes and shoes with you) or in my book. I know from experience that I will be collecting A LOT of stuff on my trips – admission tickets, pamphlets, flyers, subway tokens, gold flecks (ever panned for gold while learning about the California Gold Rush?), business cards, etc., and this 'stuff' can rapidly add bulk to my travel albums.

My family is planning a 2 month road trip to Alaska this summer. This scrapbook-on-the-road has the potential to be several volumes long. I plan to use Basic Grey's Capture Albums, along with my Instax camera and printer for my daily documentation. My prep work has included collecting letter stickers, page protectors, film, and blank Project Life cards along with several rolls of adhesive and inks and stamps and label stickers to embellish my found treasures along the way. I have used Julie's stencils from The Crafter's Workshop as the foundation of my album décor. Using the stencils with acrylic paint, distress ink, and gel medium has given my album a unique look that is All Me. The techniques are quick. They are easy. They look really darned cool, and by making them ahead of time, I can eliminate the need for paints and other messy, liquid supplies from my packing list.

1. The Album Cover:

I used some washi tape that I don't love (we all have a few of those rolls, right?) to hold my stencil in place on the cover of the album. I then used an old hotel room key to spread gel medium into all the empty spaces of the map stencil to create a resist of the United States map. After letting it dry overnight (I wanted to be extra safe and not mess it up), I used my Ranger distress ink to bring out the pattern and add some blue color. This effect could also be achieved with embossing ink and powder or even Mod Podge – anything that can create a resist on your background.

                                    

                                    

                                              

2. The States Cards:

Using the same 6x6 USA map stencil and some blank grid Project Life cards, I placed the state I wanted to emphasize in the 'middle' and used my Distress Ink to highlight that state and a few of its surrounding neighbors at the bottom of the card. I then used a contrasting ink to stamp the state name over the stencilled image. I plan to use these state cards as title cards or journalling cards for each new state that we cross into.

NOTE: This is also how I created cityscape 3x4 and 4x6 cards, to be used for any major cities we may visit.

                                                

3. Days of the Week Cards:

Using the same blank grid cards, I spray misted various colors of ink over the banner days stencil to create several weeks' worth of cards. I have not yet decided if I will use these as-is or if I will cut them apart and adhere the corresponding day to a place. Time on the road will determine how I use these cards.

4. The Painted Patterns Cards:

I experimented with Distress Paint and these fun, funky patterned stencils. I dabbed the paint over the stencil onto the cards, and left a good old-fashioned mess, BUT being the ink and paint snob that I am, I immediately took the stencils, flipped them over with the paint-side down onto new blank cards, brayered over the stencils to transfer the paint and pattern, and made title cards that I absolutely adore. I honestly think these may be my favorite cards of the bunch. I'm planning to use them as title cards for the different portions of our trip (ex. Alaska cruise vs RV life vs road-tripping with and without my parents, because, yes, they are going to be with us for a month of this 2-month long adventure).

                                    

                                             

I hope that I have inspired you to pull out your stencils and inks and paints and art supplies and just play. I hope that you realize that you can use 'themed' (ex the map and the days of the week stencils) and 'unthemed' (ex the fun, funky patterns) products to make a project your very own. I hope that you discover the love of travel, be it far or near, and that you learn to appreciate and document this life you have been given. And most of all, I hope you know how truly honored and grateful I am to have been given this opportunity to share my passions with you today.

Faith Healers and Hospitals

I read a post on Facebook recently that stated that you never find Faith Healers in a hospital. Something about this felt 'off' to me, and I've been pondering the statement ever since. Last night, while sleeping in the camper while my husband drove us through western Wyoming, I realized why I couldn't agree with the thought: I believe Faith Healers work in hospitals every day. God has long been a God of miracles, and I believe He still works those miracles on a daily basis.

Even in the New Testament, people had to go to Jesus or the Disciples to be healed. The Bible never says that Jesus gave a blanket "Everyone in this city will be healed." The sick and the lame and the blind had to come to Him or be found by Him. Mark 2:4 says, "Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on" (NIV). Luke 18:35-43 tells of a blind man who called out to Jesus by the road to Jericho and was healed. Over and over, we read about people seeking His help and receiving healing and salvation. 

I do believe that God still works these healing miracles through faith alone. I, myself, am a recipient of such grace. Several years ago, while I was still in med school, I went on a medical mission trip to Central Mexico with missionaries who daily live their belief in the Lord's provision. Me? I am a skeptic. I have always been cynical and sarcastic, and med school made me even more so. I believe in the power of prayer, but I also believed (at that time) that God didn't bother with Bible-times miracles any more. I was wrong. One day, as we were exiting our 15-passenger van at the day's clinic site, I turned and walked straight into a barbed wire fence. My face and left eye were sliced and cut up. Blood was dripping down my face. I immediately started thinking, "Oh, no. I am in rural Mexico, and I just cut my face on a rusted wire. This is going to get infected, and I am going to get tetanus" (Yes, that is how my brain works. I've told you before that I am not normal). The missionaries however, IMMEDIATELY, before I had a chance to get my sleeve to my face to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding, laid their hands on my face and head and started praying for healing. My skeptic brain was shouting to myself that this-is-crazy-let-go-of-me-and-let-me-start-disinfecting-so-i-don't-lose-my-eye. But as they prayed, I felt my wounds healing. I felt the skin coming back together. I felt the bleeding drying up. I felt my vision clear. I felt the pain go away. After they had finished praying, all that was left on my face was a few drops of dried blood. No scratch. No cut. No scar. No eye injury. No other evidence that I had just wrestled with rusted barbed wire. God had healed me through the faith of the missionaries alone. Since then, I have heard countless stories and seen many miraculous healings performed by God in the Third World (My personal heart is for South America. I had always wanted to be a missionary to Africa or India, but God has called me time and again to serve in South America, and has changed my heart to where I want to live there. I dream of living and working in the Andes with the local people groups. Maybe someday He'll let me live this dream). Anyhow...

I have also seen similar miracles in the United States. For 15 years, I lived in a hospital pediatric ward and ER. I took care of babies and teenagers and young adults. I saw ATV accidents and infections and fireworks explosions. I saw God work every single day of my working life. I saw Him use chemotherapy to save the life of preschoolers with leukemia. I saw babies born with HIV grow up and thrive and have normal lives. I saw kids who had fallen off roofs get up to run and play another day. God works through the doctors and nurses and medicines that He has given us in our world. It is a privilege to be a part of this world. Intubating a 4 week old baby with RSV can save its life. Vaccines prevent the spread of some of the world's most debilitating diseases. When was the last time you saw a child with polio? Or rabies? Or tetanus? When we were children, childhood leukemia was a death sentence. Today, over 95% of children with ALL survive and do well. All because of God. God gave us medicines for a reason. He has provided us with Tylenol and Motrin and Benadryl for our use and benefit. He wants us to use them. He wants us to have the faith to be healed. He wants us to follow Him. He wants to use the doctors and nurses and your faith to make you well. He wants you to "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" - Matthew 11:28 (NIV).


                                                                     

Operation Snowbird

If you have ever seen my instagram feed, then you know that I love to travel with my family. Exploring God's creation is one of my joys in life. My husband is a much more fun person when he is on vacation. My children learn more when seeing and experiencing cultures and sights that are unfamiliar to our Southern way of life. My dog thinks she is the co-pilot for all of our road-based adventures. We all thrive on seeing the world together.

Over the last few years, my MS has made travel more difficult. We have had to get more creative with our journeys and take more time resting at our destinations - which completely goes against the see-everything-do-everything-we-can-always-sleep-later mentality we had adopted pre-diagnosis. We hang out in our hotel room. We order room service. We swim in the hotel pool. We play board games. We don't get to the Magic Kingdom an hour before it officially opens just in case it opens early and then close the park down at 2AM anymore. We sleep. We get there when we get there. We enjoy our favorite rides and skip those with lines or those that we don't care about. We take care of our bodies more.

How does this translate into exploring the remote corners of the globe? We cruise a lot. Cruising is affordable. Cruising is restful. Cruising has as much or as little activity as we want. Even on a port day in Argentina, we know our time is limited. We can still hustle about and see and do everything we can, but there is a finite stop time. We have to be back on the ship at a pre-determined time, or we will be left behind. Once back onboard, we can crash. The Girls may go to Kids' Club and hang out with their new-found friends (who are often also homeschoolers, given the itineraries and times of year that we cruise) and compare what educational field trip excursion each of their parent's had forced on them that day. Bill may go wandering the ship to find a new corner to hide in and read a book on his ipad. I may take a nap. We all meet again for dinner and maybe a show (the local performers that add to the cultural immersion tend to be our favorites - ex. The Pampas Devils, a group of tango dancers and gaucho performers from Argentina, or step dancers in Ireland, or belly dancers in Egypt). We can go to bed early. And we can do it all again tomorrow in another city or town, without having to worry about how late will we be up driving to get to get there and will we find a hotel once we do.

The other major travel adjustment we have made is that 3 years ago, my husband bought a 5th-wheel travel trailer. Some men buy Porsche's and 22 year old blondes for their mid-life crises. My husband bought a Big-A$$ Truck (aka The Monstrosity) and an RV (aka Monstro). We have taken the RV cross-country twice and to see cousins and aunts and uncles a multitude of times. This summer, we are planning a third cross-country trek, this time to experiment with my MS. Last summer I was almost non-functional. The heat and humidity here in the South kept me couch-bound or pool-bound most of the summer. This summer we are headed north - north to the mountains, north to a cooler climate, a higher altitude, and a lower humidity. The goal? To see if I can function better. This was supposed to be a controlled experiment - same medicines, same exercises, same Me, with only our location being the new variable - but given the medical events of the last few months, our controls have gone out the window. Regardless of those new parameters, we are going. We'll be living in the RV, stopping at National Parks and State Parks for days-weeks at a time. We'll see some family and hopefully some friends. We'll hike. We'll bike. We'll learn about our nation's geography and history. We'll be "Learning through Living" (my high school's motto). And rest assured, I'll be sharing pictures along the way - definitely on Instagram (username: cdpeck) and hopefully here on the blog as well.

A Gluten-Free Update

I have now been living this gluten-free existence for 2 months. I still hate it. I still hurt. I still have headaches. I still have numbness and paresthesias (fancy word for nerve pains and tingling). I still have a pathetic immune system. BUT, on the bright side, I DO have a smaller body. I have lost 23 pounds. My pseudotumor is slowly improving. My energy level has improved a wee little bit, and I have found a few acceptable fake-flour substitutes.

So far, my family's favorite fake breads have included:
1. King Arthur Flour GF Muffin Mix - to make chocolate chip muffins
2. Pamela's Baking and Pancake Mixes - the best pancake mix we have found so far
3. Cup4Cup - a bagged all-purpose flour that literally lets you use your old recipes and substitute their fake flour mix for your old all-purpose flours. Thus far, this has been the most consistently successful flour mix. We have used it to make a fabulous chicken and sausage gumbo (a proper roux requires flour and oil), Disney Fort Wilderness and Wilderness Lodge cornbread, and other random family recipes. Nothing has failed yet with this mixture.
4. Duncan Hines GF Devil's Food Cake Mix - my 40th birthday was a few weeks ago, and a friend kindly made me an adapted version of her very yummy chocolate cake using this mix. The cake was shorter than usual, but it tasted just as good as it always has.

So there you have it - an official 2 month update. Nothing else has caught fire. I still dream about yeast rolls. My children still fuss about not having our old favorite frozen foods in the freezer, and I spend hours more in the kitchen than I ever have. But I am walking. I am not blind. And I think this new life just might work out.

Now to keep working on finding the perfect hamburger bun...

Social Security, Part 2

The next step in obtaining my entitled Social Security benefits required a visit to a Social Security-approved Psychiatrist to ensure that I was mentally able to make decisions regarding my own medical care. If you remember from yesterday how much I do not want to be on our government's retirement welfare system, and if you know how little I tolerate stupidity, you will understand why I was not the best-behaved patient at this appointment.

The psychiatrist is a lady maybe 5-7 years older than me. She was wearing a suit and had perfectly coiffed hair and nails. I forget what I was wearing, but I did dress professionally. From the moment I walked in the room, her demeanor was condescending and 'I'm-smarter-than-you.' She was polite, but not friendly, and she immediately began her official questioning.

Background: As part of both my pediatric and my ER training, I had a lot of psychiatric exposure. I am fascinated by the true crazies in the world. The wilder the hallucinations, the more fun I have. Overdoses and suicidal patients are my ER norm. Angsty teenagers acting out after a fight with their boyfriends or moms were everyday occurrences. I sought them out. I enjoy them. I took care of them. I know the game. I know the routine. I know the questions to ask and the 'right' answers to those questions. I did not become a psychiatrist, because I am too ADD with a need for instant gratification. Overdoses? Give me the narcan and charcoal, and let's go pump a stomach. Chronic depression and eating disorders? Let me get you medically stable then pass you off for the next few weeks-months of therapy. Not that I don't know how to do that therapy...I just don't enjoy it. I like instant fixes with rapid results.

Now back to my appointment with the Social Security-appointed psychiatrist. We started out discussing my basic information: name, demographics, why-am-I-here-today, that kind of stuff. And then she moved into familiar territory. I swear, the woman could have been one of my residents. She quoted the textbook almost verbatim.

Psych: Why are you here today?
Me: Because the disability company and Social Security made me.
Psych: You don't want to be here?
Me: Not really (I'm still trying to be polite at this point, but my inherent snark is fighting for an excuse to come out).
Psych: What do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a Pediatric ER doc. I work at _____, but I can't go back to work right now since I was diagnosed with MS.
Psych: Oh! You're a doctor, too?
Me: Yep. And I see a lot of psych patients in the ER.
Psych: Really? That's interesting...Did you graduate from high school?
Me: (I'm unable to hold the snark back any more) Seriously??? I just told you I'm a doctor like you. I actually have more training than you, because I actually did a fellowship, and you only did your residency, and you're asking if I graduated from high school?!!!
Psych: Yes. I am. Did you graduate from high school?
Me. Humpf. And I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Vanderbilt, too, before going to med school at BMS.
Psych: So you do have a high school diploma?
Me: (totally over this 'interview' by now) YES
Psych: Are you depressed? Do you want to hurt yourself? Have you thought about killing yourself?
Me: Nope.
***Insert Mini Mental Status Exam Here***
Me: (during Mini Mental) You do know that I know all these questions and that I can quote the questions and answers to you faster than you can ask them officially, right?
Psych: Why is that?
Me: Because I asked them every single day in my job in the ER. Pediatric ER doc, remember?
Psych: Oh yes. That is right. Continuing on. (And here she continues the Mini Mental, despite my telling her the questions and answers in advance. My patience for her was nonexistent at this point.)

When I got in the car with my husband to go home, he rolled his eyes at my lack of cooperation in the psychiatrist's office. He knows me and my lack of tolerance for stupidity, but he did remind me that she was responsible for determining if I was mentally competent enough to qualify for Social Security. When I reminded him of how much I did NOT want the benefits, he knew well enough to just let the subject drop. I think he was afraid I would take my snark out on him.

Sadly, a week or two later, I was fully approved for Social Security, and I've been receiving monthly checks since. I still hope and pray that I can return to work someday, but for now, this is our normal. God is good, and He continues to provide for my family each and every day...even if I don't like the method.

Social Security: Part 1

Part of the whole long term disability applications requires conversations and meetings with Social Security. It's the insurance companies' rules. They don't want to pay out a lot of money, and a 35 year old physician on disability sets off every one of their alarms. If you are approved for their policies, then they require you to apply for Social Security. Now remember, at this point, I still intended to go back to work. I had zero intention of being on disability forever. God called me to Pediatrics, and that is where I want to be.

I avoided, stalled, and procrastinated dealing with Social Security as long as I could. I do not want to be on it. One day, Social Security called me. At home. And insisted I have a real conversation with them. I couldn't hide any more. Following is a replication of that conversation, as I remember it:

SS Lady: You do realize you are entitled to these benefits?
Me: I don't want them. I am 35 years old, and I plan to return to work someday. Older, sicker people need that money.
SS Lady: But you are entitled to that money.
Me: But I don't want it.
SS Lady: But you worked and saved that money. You are entitled to it.
Me: But I don't want it. I want to work. I do not want to live off of the government.
SS Lady: But it says here that you have 2 children. What about them? They are entitled to benefits, too.
Me: I am married. My husband has a good job with excellent benefits. I intend to go back to work when I am better. I don't need Social Security, and my children definitely do not need it.
SS Lady: But that might not always be the case. No one ever expects divorce, but your husband may one day decide to leave you, and then you won't have his benefits, and then you'll need this money that you are entitled to.
Me: Excuse me, but that is not going to happen, and even if something does happen to him in the future and if I do ever need this money, THEN I'll apply for it. Until then, I don't need it, and I don't want it.
SS Lady: But you and your children are entitled to these benefits.
Me: So you are telling me that despite the fact that there are people who actually need this government money to live that are being turned down for benefits, and despite the fact that I want them to get this money instead of me, I have no choice but to take it.
SS Lady: Yes. Because you are entitled to it, and they are not.