Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I've Lost My Mojo

I am a scrapbooker. I am a photographer. I document life. These are my hobbies. They make me very happy. But sometimes I have to walk away from it all. I have weeks and months where I can't stay away from my desk, and I can't stop creating. And then I have weeks and months like I have had recently. I have lots of new toys to play with. I'm always taking pictures of something or other (just find me on Instagram if you need proof of that). I am surrounded by inspiration online and in magazines and catalogs...but I just don't have the desire to create. This has happened before, and I know it will happen again. It frustrates me, because I WANT to want to create, but I don't. I avoid going upstairs to my desk. I pile my new toys on the stairs. I find other ways to occupy my time (I mean, hello! Have you ever seen me blog this much EVER???) I immerse myself in life.

I may not be actively creating, but I am still always learning. The last 6 weeks or so have been rough...total life upheaval rough. Immune system shutting down. Pseudotumor cerebri. Changing MS medications again. Having to give up my very-favorite food cold-turkey. Major life changes. I tell myself it's ok not to be crafting and 'making pretty stuff' (as Heidi Swapp calls it). I am reading. I am researching. I am studying. I am pulling out my med school textbooks for the first time in years. I am learning how to transition my life and my family's life to this new reality. I am trying to relearn how to cook (Think about it...how many of your go-to recipes require flour? I had to relearn how to make a roux and gumbo this weekend! I can't even go to a deli and get a sandwich or soup any more, because they both contain wheat. This has not been easy or fun.).

So that's where I am. Not crafting. Not recording memories. Not playing with paper and glue. Not giving up. I am going to fight this disease. My doctors said I have to give up wheat and gluten. I may hate it, and I may complain about it to anyone who will listen, but I'm going to do it, because if it works, then just maybe I'll have a functional immune system again. I may have lost my crafty mojo, but it will come back...just as soon as I find a good substitute for hamburger buns so I can enjoy a good red meat fix again.

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